As an American
student in Tartu, Estonia for two years, I went through some stages of
perception toward Estonians. The first thing that popped out were the
differences between Estonian and American communication styles. Dr. Lawrence T.
White provides a nice description of these in one of his recent articles. These
differences were important to me in helping me understand my disorientation as
I clumsily navigated social situations. Then I saw Estonians as better than
Americans, and I wanted to assimilate. Luckily this was not possible (the poker
face must be genetic), because things became even more interesting
when I felt comfortable being a weird foreigner in the company of Estonians. I
started noticing not only some profound similarities between Estonians and
Americans, but also a wide range of diversity within Estonian communication
styles themselves.
Such diversity is
one reason why they can be so reserved. In a comment on Justine Petrone's
blogpost Von Trappe, Marko explains why his mother was very cautious toward building
relationships with other families: “ Estonian society is very fractured.
Different families can have very different values etc. ‘We are not that kind of
people’ must have been the most used phrase during my childhood ...”
Here is a (much too
simple) list of ways that Estonian communication has differed from my
perspective:
Geography: Quite
a variety of Estonian culture and language exists in different parts of the
small country - for example, there is the completely different South Estonian
language, the distinct language and culture of Setu people in south-eastern
Estonian, the border-towns along Lake Peipsi with old believers who aren't
quite Estonian or Russian, and the unique accent of the island of Saaremaa. :)
Age: Younger
Estonians tend to be more open than older Estonians who grew up in Soviet
times. Also, Estonian children can be so open and playful that they
don't mind that you can't understand what they are saying.
Weather: It's common
knowledge that people are more closed while suffering through the
long. Estonian winters and more friendly in the summers. I can see this in
Colorado too, when everyone is a bit grumpy during shoulder
season, the gap between summer and ski season.
Closeness of
relationship: Estonians seem to have a thick shell that can be broken through,
rendering cultural differences almost meaningless, but it takes a lot more time
than I'm used to, and the process of getting closer flows more in terms of a
punctuated equilibrium than it does gradually. For example, the
first year I knew one Estonian guy, he was quite closed and our communication
was awkward and prickly. Seemingly overnight, he opened up like
family and we were both comfortable being ourselves.
Rate of
communication: Those living in neighboring countries mention that a common
stereotype of Estonians is that they are “slow” (meaning slow to react or
respond in conversation because they are giving their speech more
thought). I spent two weeks living with two energetic and talkative
Estonian families, who explained that while some Estonians are
“slow,” they themselves are "quite quickly." I've also
heard this dichotomy used toward older and younger Estonians.
Estonian
semioticians: It seems that Estonians who do not study semiotics have some kind
of idea in their mind about Estonians who do study semiotics, and it always
amuses me. Whenever I tell a non-semiotician Estonian that I study semiotics,
they all give the same look, like 'Oho...one of these..' One asked,
"So do you believe it?" Another stated that semioticians are on a
different informational plane than other Estonians and that I should not use
them as representative of Estonians in general.
Everything above is
essentially a context, and here is one more example of a contextual difference:
when I am meeting Estonians as a friend of their family, they seem to be
consistently friendly, open, and interactive with me. However, when I meet
Estonians as a friend of their friend, they may not introduce themselves or
approach me.
During my first
week in Tartu at the orientation for international students, an Estonian
speaker encouraged us to keep communicating with Estonians, because they are
interested in us even if they don't seem like it. I am happy she was there to
tell us this, because the more I learn about Estonians, the more interesting
they become.
